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16 May 2010 @ 02:58 pm
rounding up  
rounding up
grey's anatomy. lexie/alex; implied lexie/mark.
spoilers for all of season 6. words: 849. one-shot.



Reaching the bottom of a whisky sour never took so long. She’s lost in thought, distracted, and Alex is joking back and forth with Joe, while those damn Mercy West doctors laugh behind her, a group in their own rights. In a weird way, they remind her of Meredith, Cristina, Alex, and Izzy, a core group that no one really penetrates. She can laugh and help and pry, but she can never really belong with either.

Alex laughs and runs his hand down her back. She shivers inadvertently. There’s not a place in this city without residue of her and Mark. She remembers sitting in this exact spot, Mark standing behind her, playing with her hair while he let Callie vent to him; some problem with Arizona or maybe her father; she can’t quite remember.

"You okay?" Alex asks suddenly, and she bites down on her lip, resentful of the fact that it took him exactly eighty nine minutes and roughly twenty seconds to realize that no, she’s not her fucking self.

She’s wrong to blame him, for all he knows, this is who she is now. She’s not being fair to anyone.

"Yeah," she lies, nodding as she pushes her glass forward. Joe offers her a beer, her usual order, and she obliges. She can feel Alex’s eyes still on her.


Lexie squeezes her eyes shut. She’s not going to cry in front of him. She’s not going to fucking cry.

She takes a deep breath, nearly choking on air. She’s not ready for this. She’s not ready to have this conversation. Being an adult never felt so strange.

"You were um...you were checking on your patient," she begins, nails tapping nervously against her beer. Her leg starts shaking and Alex places his hand on her thigh, forcing her to turn to him.

"What is it?" he asks, and she’s going to lose it, she really, really is.

She tries to swallow back tears. "Mark told me he’s still in love with me." There, she thinks; rough, blunt, and unedited.

Alex’s face remained unchanged.

Her eyes widen. "Well?" she demands.

"Well what?" he asks slowly.

Her face falls. "Well, nothing? That’s it? No questions? You don’t even want to know what I said back?"

He shrugs. "Well, you’re here, aren’t you?"

Were it physically possible, she thinks the pressure of her hand would shatter the glass bottle its wrapped around.

"Well, yeah," she agrees.

"So, if you want to tell me what you said, you can. But I’m not going to ask," he insists.

This is who he is. She’s always known this. He won’t demand anything from her, and she’s got to learn to do the same. He won’t force her to change and she can’t ask him to be somebody he’s not.

"I know," she nods, understanding. "I didn’t expect you to get all jealous or crazy or whatever. But, you really don’t want to know?" She’s speaking about them now and she’s been weighing pros and cons since she left the hospital, and it’s not right of her, to be testing him like this.

He sighs. "Of course I want to know," he admits, taking a swig of his beer. "But I’m not going to ask."

There’s a distinction. He’s setting boundaries and limits and she’s too wrapped up in Mark’s words to figure Alex out right now.

"Okay," she nods, turning back to her beer. She feels his grip loosen on her leg.

She counts the ticks of the clock in her head, a steady, soothing rhythm that calms her back down.

She hears Alex curse under his breath as he slams his drink down. "Well now I can’t stop thinking about it," he mutters.

Lexie smiles slightly. "Well, if you’re not going to ask, I’m not going to tell," she teases, looking away from him playfully.

Alex leans towards her. "Fine, you win. Now tell me."

She realizes she shouldn’t necessarily be grinning. Her smile fades slightly when she realizes she can’t tell him the whole truth. She’s never really ready for what she asks for.

"I told him I was with you," she says slowly. There’s no mention of husbands or hesitations or how she stood there dumbly, watching him leave. There’s no talk of what his words mean and if she still loves him or if she ever really did at all. His I love you is more than just an I miss you. They’re the words neither of them ever mustered up the courage to say aloud before. And now, months later, disasters strewn in between them, she hates how much weight his words still bear.

Alex pulls back from her. "You don’t look so sure."

She shakes her head. "No, it’s just...we never said that before. It was just...weird to hear after all this time."

His face hardens.

Lexie’s hand falls over his. "I told him I was with you," she repeats.

There’s an old saying about a duck running through her head. She thinks that maybe, if she acts like a duck, she’ll learn to believe it.

Current Mood: workingworking
Lizlizzy29 on May 16th, 2010 07:43 pm (UTC)
That was amazing. And so how I imagine Lexie feeling totally confused and the duck comment lol. Please let her choose Mark.
Courtney: GREY'S: you're every kind of colorhelen_halliwell on May 16th, 2010 09:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!

I agree, she should feel conflicted. And while my heart really will go out to Alex, I'm still 100% rooting for a Lexie/Mark reunion. I adore everything about those two :)

Thanks for reading!
(Deleted comment)
Courtney: GREY'S: dreadful sorry clementinehelen_halliwell on May 16th, 2010 09:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Me too! Fingers crossed!

Glad you enjoyed this :)
waltzmatildah: alexiewaltzmatildah on May 17th, 2010 11:45 am (UTC)
Wow... I'm really confused about who you want together... here you say you're rooting for Alex/Lexie but to others you've said Mark/Lexie... not that it matters at all, you're allowed to change your mind... just... curious... I think the opinion polls are pretty split at this stage...
Courtney: GREY'S: pretty little liarshelen_halliwell on May 17th, 2010 01:23 pm (UTC)
*laughs* I've been torn between the two to be honest, at least up until the last episode. Mark won me over. I do really love Alex/Lexie and the potential they have together, but a huge piece of me always thought their relationship would end. I always expected Lexie to ultimately end up with Mark. I get the feeling that if she chooses Alex, her and Mark will be done for good. I think she's starting to realize that too, and it's quite clear she isn't over him, just as it would be impossible for Alex to fully be over Izzy yet.

That's kind of what I hoped to get across with writing this: the amiguity between Lexie and Alex and her knowing she's still in love with Mark but kind of hoping she can pretend she isn't. It seems to me that that's what she's been doing all along. I just don't think it will work for much longer.

I do agree that Alex will be crushed...not heart broken, but crushed. She's the first girl he's invested himself in since Izzy and I don't think he's going to recover quickly from this. I get the feeling it's going to be ugly. (Assuming she chooses Mark, of course!)

Hope that helps explain my position a little!
lattelady6lattelady6 on May 16th, 2010 09:42 pm (UTC)
I can see Lexie's thought process, but why is she still standing there. She knows who she should be with and it isn't with Alex. Send him back to Reed those to made a great pair, almost as good as Mark and Lexie.
Courtney: GREY'S: asked to be nobody's nothinghelen_halliwell on May 16th, 2010 09:47 pm (UTC)
Haha! She's still sitting there, because while I'd love for nothing more than her to go rushing back into Mark's arms at the start of the episode, I have a feeling it's not going to happen so quickly.

My gut feeling is that the "disaster" at SGH will force Lexie to ultimately decide who she wants to be with. (Mark, obviously!)
lattelady6lattelady6 on May 16th, 2010 10:38 pm (UTC)
I really hope so. I'm not looking forward to another summer of unrest between the two of them.
waltzmatildah: alexie2waltzmatildah on May 17th, 2010 11:43 am (UTC)
You know, because I really, really want Alex and Lexie together and I was so convinced you were going to have her end up with Mark I ALMOST didn't click on the link to your fic.

But, I told myself I to need to prepare for all eventualities, no matter how painful they are, so I took a deep breath and clicked anyway.

Then I read the whole, fantastic, completely and utterly perfectly in character, thing with that deep breath held as I waited for her to break his heart (which he'll never admit to happening but will happen nonetheless) and when it didn't come I breathed this great sigh of relief.

I hardly EVER get as invested in the outcome of a fic like I just did then, in those 800 odd words.

Freakin' awesome. I'm seriously in awe of how in character you have them... and the uncertainty that underlies their relationship is so smoothly depicted here.
Courtney: GREY'S: dreadful sorry clementinehelen_halliwell on May 17th, 2010 01:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you read it even though you were tempted not to.

I think Lexie still has unfinished business with Mark, business she can choose to either finish or forget. I was trying to depict her struggle between these two options, because I honestly do think she's torn. I think Alex started off as someone she could use to get over Mark, but now he means a bit more than that to her. Though I am pulling for Lexie/Mark, I'd be devestated if they do not handle the Lexie/Alex situation well...I do agree he'll be a mess if she chooses Mark, not because he's in love with her, but because he trusted her to some extent.

Plus, I just can't see Lexie crushing Alex. I've no idea how she's going to choose or how this situation will take place. She's not the type of person to hurt others, and no matter what, someone gets hurt here. I just hope they don't merely dismiss Lexie/Alex and move on, because that wouldn't be fair to any of the characters. I get the impression that Lexie's going to make a mess of things....

Anyway, thanks again for reading and I'm so glad you enjoyed this!
violet1979violet1979 on May 17th, 2010 06:06 pm (UTC)
That was so awesome. I can definitely see this happening (as much as I want Lexie to get a grip already! lol). Great insight into Alex/Lexie, as always. Their interaction sounds very believable to me, right down to the details like keeping track of time, or what the word "Lex" will do to her from now on. I was so holding my breath, bracing for worse ("if she ever really did at all" – come on! ;) ), right up to the saying about the duck - and wow, the last sentence left me so relieved as you wouldn't believe. This is such a perfect end, and just sums Alex/Lexie up so poignantly.
Courtney: GREY'S: isn't the same as runninghelen_halliwell on May 17th, 2010 11:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! And yes, we all know Lexie loves Mark...but I don't think Lexie's let herself know that yet :)

I hate that I still love Lexie/Alex, because I really, really do. But Mark? That ending scene!? I could never want her with anyone else after that.

Really glad you enjoyed this!
Sophie: +surprises: lexie/marksophiehsophie on May 18th, 2010 02:38 am (UTC)
I do like that Lexie is conflicted, as she should be, she thought she was moving on...but then all of a sudden she realizes she hasn't. Anyway, I'm still Mark and Lexie. And I love Alex, I do, he's one of the reasons why I started watching Grey's. He's so complex and that was what intrigued me. But as I said before, I like Alex but I like Mark and Lexie more. And people are like, oh my God, if Lexie picks Mark--Alex will be crushed and hurt. And I don't buy that, he's so conflicted himself, I don't even think he knows if he really even likes Lexie. But honest to goodness, as much as I say I don't care, I really do. And if Lexie chooses Alex, that will be it for me. Grey's will be it for me. Sounds slightly dramatic, but if the only reason why I'm watching Grey's is no longer a reason--then why watch anymore? So that's how I feel about that. :)
Courtney: GREY'S: sorry in your own wayhelen_halliwell on May 20th, 2010 12:22 am (UTC)
Well, I agree that Alex is conflicted. I think he'll be hurt by Lexie if she doesn't choose him, not because he's wrapped up in her, but because I think it will finally force him to face the fact that he's alone. I don't think he's even begun to deal with Izzie leaving him and I think Lexie leaving him will force him to confront these feelings. (If that makes sense)

But, thanks for reading!!