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30 June 2009 @ 10:08 pm
seven letter word for liar 15/19  
House shrugged, looking at her nonchalantly. “You’re going to marry him because he loves you...because he’ll always put you first. Because, he’s put up with you through this much. Because, you don’t think you’ll find anyone else.” house, md. part 15.

XxX

“Brought you some tea.”

Cameron turned around slowly, setting down the medical journal she’d been thumbing listlessly through. She smiled softly at the sight of Chase and accepted the cup.

“You can sit,” she assured him, and he relaxed at the sound of her words.

“I would have...called last night, but I assumed you wanted to be alone,” Chase said simply. His words weren’t biting, just honest.

Cameron nodded. She was always amazed when he proved to know her fairly well. She wondered when he began to perceive her so well, and why she had missed it.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, looking down at the table. “I just...”

“I know,” Chase said quickly.

Cameron offered a weak smile. Did he?

“I don’t want us to be like this,” Chase said after a moment.

Cameron sipped her tea, waiting for his suggestion. He always had a suggestion, and she figured it was best to wait and hear him out before offering any of her own insight.

“Do you like Hawaii?”

Cameron nearly choked on her tea. “Hawaii?” she questioned, coughing slightly. “I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like Hawaii.” She mused inwardly. She was certain if anyone could find fault with Hawaii, it was House. But now certainly wasn’t the time to joke about that, at least not out loud.

“Good,” Chase said, grinning. “Because, I’ve been thinking and I think that maybe we need some time...away.”

“Away,” Cameron repeated numbly, head spinning. He wasn’t...he wasn’t going to propose was he? Not now. Not like this. Not with the two of them barely speaking! She searched his eyes frantically, before stumbling upon a reassuring thought. The ring was in his drawer, his drawer at her apartment. She exhaled.

“A vacation,” Chase clarified, as she took another sip of her tea, eager to busy her hands with some mediocre task. “I thought that maybe a few days away from here, from the hospital, might do us some good.”

Cameron nodded. “I would have to talk to Cuddy,” she began quickly. “About getting time off.”

Chase smiled. “Already taken care of,” he insisted, grinning wider. He squeezed her hand. “We leave next Tuesday...that is, if you want to.”

If she wanted to. All decisions regarding their relationship were ultimately left up to her. She looked up at his expectant face and smiled. The ring was safe and secure at her house and it was just a relaxing, stress-free vacation with a guy she...loved.

“Okay,” she agreed, grinning. She laughed. “I don’t think I’ve been on vacation since my freshman year in college.”

Chase laughed back at her. “Well then you have a lot of time to make up for.”

Cameron smiled. This would be fun, she told herself. It would be a chance to connect with Chase, far from the confines of PPTH, far from the influence of others. She needed this.

Chase stood up, bending down to kiss her forehead lightly before he left. “I missed you,” he told her.

“I missed you too,” she said, truthfully.

He beamed. “I’m here until eleven,” he began, “but I wanted to know if it was all right if I swung by your apartment? I left something there that I need.”

Cameron nodded slowly. Crap. He was getting the ring.

She watched his back fade from sight as he disappeared down the corridor, her eyes blurring from concentrating so intently at his silhouette.

XxX

Saviors Ep. 21

XxX

Lisa Cuddy was ashamed of how she’d acted in front of House, not just because she was his superior and it was immensely inappropriate for her to interrupt him in the clinic, but because he was House and she’d just given him power over her, power she didn’t want him to have.

Well, maybe she did enjoy him having a slight power over her, but this went far beyond slight. She’d meant what she said to Cameron. No one should be involved with House, and that included her.

Still, his carefully chosen words kept ringing through her ears. At first, she’d walked away satisfied, glad to know that Cameron wasn’t, in fact, still pining over House. When Chase and Cameron came into her office to tell her the news of their engagement, she hated that part of her was mainly excited that Cameron would be out of House’s range. An engaged Cameron was a Cameron who was nearly married, and Cameron was one of those girls who would never under any circumstance cheat. House knew this. That wiped her off of his radar, or at least made the possibility of the two of them getting together impossible.

She was genuinely excited for the two though. Their engagement was good. They were good for each other. House...he’d be terrible for Cameron. He’d be terrible for anyone.

She sighed. She was just wishing despair upon herself.

But it was after this news, when Chase left to go find Foreman, when Cameron and Cuddy were sitting down that Cuddy rambled on about her interrupting House. She wasn’t sure why she was unloading her troubles to Cameron, of all people, but she seemed to realize that Cameron would be the only other person to understand where her head was.

But when she repeated his words, they took on a new meaning, and the recognition that ignited in Cameron’s eyes made Cuddy worry.

This was strange. Cameron would never cheat on Chase. Chase and Cameron were getting married. House was convinced Cameron didn’t want him anymore. Where was this worry coming from?

It was a new type of worry, one she hadn’t considered. She knew Cameron had crushed on House. She knew they’d gone on a silly fake date. She knew about the monster truck outing. She knew House trusted Cameron. She even knew about the kiss they’d shared when Cameron was trying to sneak some blood out of him. She knew it all. She was the eyes and ears of the hospital, and little happened without her knowledge.

But House’s careful choice of wording implied that perhaps she didn’t know it all. Cameron was certainly capable of keeping a secret and House could too, especially when he thought it would tarnish his precious reputation as a tortured, sadistic son of a bitch.

Cameron doesn’t want back on the team and she doesn’t want back on me...”

It seemed minute. The word. Back. It could have been a slip, but this was House. He never made verbal faux pas. He chose every word precisely, emphasizing just the right syllable, stressing his meanings, his mocking tone certain and sure of each and every phrase.

Which led her to believe that this was no slip of tongue. Back. As far as she knew, Cameron had only been on one of the two things; House’s team, certainly not House.

Her chest burned. Certainly not? How could she be so sure?

She could ask Cameron. She could bear the humiliation and shame. Liking House, even a little bit, meant having to endure endless amounts of embarrassment. Yes, she could handle losing a slice of dignity. But, she couldn’t be sure Cameron would tell her the truth. Everyone expected Cameron to burst with honesty, but secretly, Cuddy thought Cameron just might be better at lying and hiding secrets than the rest of them. She certainly had the whole innocent doctor gig going for her.

No, she couldn’t ask Cameron and she most certainly couldn’t ask House. That left one option...a long shot, but her only option nonetheless.

It wouldn’t be as humiliating as questioning House in front of patients. Her dignity could remain intact.

Or so she hoped.

XxX

Cameron sat, foot bouncing rapidly, up and down, up and down, in the corner of Wilson’s office, facing him expectantly. He shot her an apologetic look as he continued a conversation with another doctor, a bored expression on his face.

Cameron waited, the ring burning a hole in her pocket. She knew she ought to slip it on, but somehow the weight of the jewelry seemed burdensome. It was a bit too wide for her slender fingers, and she told Chase that she didn’t want to risk losing it by wearing it. That was true. She’d be mortified if she lost it. Until they got it resized, she considered wearing it on a chain around her neck, but quickly dismissed that idea. She was no Carrie Bradshaw. A ring placed on a necklace was a deliberate scheme to place emphasis on the fact that she wasn’t comfortable wearing it around her finger. Which she was. Would be. Once it was resized.

She’d come to Wilson for advice. He was an expert on cheating and she needed to know what was considered wrong and what wasn’t. She came here to tell him something she was positive he had no knowledge of. She’d slept with House and now she was paying the repercussions.

When it came down to it, she hadn’t cheated on Chase. The very word cheating made her feel nauseous and traitorous, even though she hadn’t committed this unspeakable act of betrayal. She’d slept with House when she and Chase were on the outs. It was before they’d officially decided to begin a relationship. She knew it didn’t count as cheating even though they had been involved prior to her rendevous with House. But, the guilt still clawed at her chest. This was why she needed Wilson’s expertise. She needed to know whether she should tell Chase about the incident or not. She didn’t want to withhold information from him, but she also didn’t want him to think she and House were any closer than he already suspected they were. He’d always have trust issues when it came to her friendship with House, and she didn’t want to give him more reason to mistrust her. But, she didn’t want to lie either.

“Hmm...right. Right. Okay, well then, I’ll fax those over to you. Sure. You too.”

Wilson sighed dramatically as he hung up the phone. “You know, I hate doctors...so arrogant and condescending. I don’t know why I ever became one.”

Cameron smiled in recognition of his joke. “Well, if you hadn’t become a doctor, how would you pay for all of that alimony?” she teased, smirking.

Wilson crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair. “You know, sometimes I wonder if the world wouldn’t have been better off if you’d been trained by some nice, caring, sensitive doctor instead of House. Your susceptibility to sarcasm is alarmingly high.”

Cameron grinned, her lips opening slightly to begin her next sentence. However, before she could utter a word, the door flew open.

Back on him,” Cuddy remarked, eyeing Wilson wildly. “Back on him. That’s what he said!” she remarked throwing her hands up in exasperation. “He said it on purpose,” she emphasized. “He never chooses the wrong word, which could only mean...”

“That you’ve clearly lost your mind,” Wilson remarked, momentarily forgetting about Cameron in his heightened state of confusion. Cameron sat quietly, unsure of whether to make her presence known or not.

Cuddy seemed unfazed by his bewilderment. “Back on the team...makes sense, because she was on the team, right?”

“Uh...right?” Wilson replied, still trying to jump onto whatever tangent Cuddy was going off on.

“But back on him,” she remarked. “Makes no sense. Unless she was on him...at some point. Right?”

“Who are we talking about?” Wilson asked.

“Cameron!” Cuddy exclaimed just as Cameron remarked, “Me.”

Cuddy spun to the right, eyes widening in recognition of Cameron’s presence. Cameron looked uncomfortable, shifting quickly in her seat.

“Oh my god,” Cuddy muttered, unable to recover from her embarrassment. “I...I didn’t...”

Cameron shrugged. “It’s okay,” she said, standing up. “I’m used to it. Apparently, I’ll be dealing with all of this baggage from when I used to work for House over two years ago for the rest of my career.” She smiled at Wilson, heading for the door.

Cameron,” both Cuddy and Wilson started at the same time. Cameron blinked up at them. She wasn’t angry at Cuddy. She understood the need to know everything about House. He used to consume her entire life, at one time.

“We...we can talk later?” Wilson offered.

Cameron shook her head, turning the doorknob. “Actually, um, I kind of got the answer I was looking for.”

“No, I’ll go,” Cuddy insisted. “I didn’t mean to interrupt...”

“No, really, you actually helped,” Cameron replied, nodding. “A lot, actually.” She pulled open the door slipping through to the other side. “Oh, and Cuddy,” she began, poking her head back in. “Did you ever think that maybe House worded whatever it was he said in a certain way, knowing it would drive you crazy?”

Cuddy stared at her blankly, pondering the possibility.

Cameron shrugged. “Just seems like something he might do.”

XxX

“I hate you,” Cameron replied bitterly, quietly, and quite truthfully as she walked into House’s dim office. He looked transfixed as he sat solemnly, barely moving. It was well past eleven pm, and Cameron knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t still be at work if something wasn’t bothering him. She was just also mature enough to realize that that something probably had nothing to do with her.

“I’m sure there’s a fan club you can join,” he replied, as expected, but the usual joy was drained from him voice.

Cameron sat down across from him, wondering who many times they had played out this very same scenario; him in one chair, she in another, nothing but a block of wood between them. Hadn’t they always needed something tangible in between them to explain the emotional distance that often separated them? She’d set strict rules in her own mind, and knew it was likely that he’d done the same. She’d keep to her side, he’d keep to his, because neither trusted themselves or the another far enough to throw them. In the daylight, it was fine. She could walk inside of his glass office, knowing that everyone could see her, feeling their eyes as less of a threat and more of a guarantee that nothing would happen. She was sure to keep phone calls under ten minutes in length and she’d stopped accepting his invitations to go out to bars. Then again, he’d stopped offering. It now struck her that she wasn’t sure which had come first.

And at night, she’d keep three feet away from him at all times. She’d keep her hands firmly glued to her own body in some fashion, opting at the moment to have them neatly tucked into her pockets. Normally, coming to visit him at this hour, at this place, would be against her rules, but all rules had exceptions, and she’d convinced herself that this time was one of them. The last one.

“You know, sometimes I really do,” Cameron said, opting to stare at a picture on the wall, a safe distance away from his head.

House took this opportunity to study her without her green eyes probing through his own, searching for...he wasn’t even sure what she was searching for half the time. Emotion? Honesty? Answers?

“What is it they always say? If you hate someone, it’s only because you recognize something in them that you hate in yourself?”

Cameron swallowed, then nodded. “That’s pretty accurate,” she remarked.

“You know you’re going to marry him,” he remarked, causing Cameron’s head to snap towards his.

“Why do you say it like that?” she demanded. “Like it’s not even my choice? Like I just will?”

House shrugged. “Because I know you will.”

“But you can’t know that.”

“I know you.”

“No. You don’t.”

House looked down. “Right. I suppose that’s Chase’s job now...”

“When was it ever yours?” she snapped, her voice turning ugly. It’s personal now. She hadn’t wanted it to go this far, but deep down, she knew that one day this conversation would happen. It would have to happen if she ever expected either of them to move on completely.

“It’s what I do right?” he remarked, and she can detect the irony in his voice. “I read people. I see things no one else does. I get inside of their heads.”

Cameron sighed, looking down. “He doesn’t know me,” she remarked sadly. “Not yet,” she added, a hint of optimism.

House smiled. She wouldn’t be Cameron without a hint of optimism.

“So then, why marry him?”

Cameron looked at House oddly. “You tell me. Apparently you’re quite the expert on me.”

House shrugged, looking at her nonchalantly. “You’re going to marry him because he loves you...because he’ll always put you first. Because, he’s put up with you through this much. Because, you don’t think you’ll find anyone else.”

“Well, when you put it that way....” Her voice is icy, but she doesn’t argue.

“Those aren’t bad reasons,” House argued. “They’re practical.”

“I love him,” she added, looking up at House expectantly. “You had to know that.”

He nodded. “You love that tree outside of my window,” he remarked, downsizing her love for Chase.

Cameron narrowed her eyes but didn’t retort. She looked away from him, letting him know that she didn’t find him particularly funny.

“You loved your husband,” House said quickly, eyes lowering to his desk.

Cameron bit her lip. She knew why he was bringing this up. It was a statement more than it was a question, but he wanted to know if she loved Chase like she loved her husband. It was a question she’d toyed with during every step of their relationship. She couldn’t come clean with Chase about all of the details of her first marriage. It wouldn’t be fair to hurt him that way...to tell him she would never, she could never love him the way she’d loved the first one.

“His name was Eric,” she said sadly, glad House wasn’t looking her in the eye. “And no, I won’t ever love anyone like I loved him.”

A vague look of acknowledgment washed over House quickly, but still, he said nothing.

Cameron went on. “Chase doesn’t...he never asks about him,” she said. “I don’t think he wants to know.”

House shrugged, trying not to look uncomfortable. “Sounds like you’re settling,” he insisted.

Cameron shook her head. “No. I’ll never love anyone the way I loved Eric. It’s just how it is. I can’t change it.”

House’s eyes met her. “Not anyone?”

Cameron shook her head. “Not anyone.”

House looked back down. “Why’d you tell me his name?”

“What?”

“Your husband?” House questioned. “We’ve known about him for five years, and yet, no name dropping until now. Why the sudden change?”

Cameron sighed. He was good. There was a reason. There was always a reason.

“His name was Eric,” she began again, meeting House’s eye. “Eric Cameron.”

His eyes registered the load of information she’d just revealed to him. “You never changed your name?”

She shook her head. “After the funeral...I lost everything. His parent thought I was after his money, so I never took a dime...”

“Saint Allison,” House murmured. “Or is it Ally?” he teased, reminding her of the note she’d left for him.

Cameron smiled, thankful for House’s attempt to lighten the tone. “Normally when someone dies, you still have everything except them. But, I lost my house and his friends...his family. I lost my whole life. I moved away and...” She shrugged. “I don’t know...I just didn’t want to lose his name.” She rolled her eyes. “I can feel you making fun of me in your head,” she smirked, though tears were forming in her eyes. She’d never quite mastered her ability to stifle tears.

“Does Chase know?” House asked seriously.

Cameron shook her head. “No,” she replied. “Like I said, he’s never asked.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“About what?”

“Your name.”

Cameron pursed her lips. “I want to keep it,” she replied. “Do you think that’s selfish?”

House smirked. “I’m partially responsible for the death of my best friend’s girlfriend,” he remarked. “And you want to know if keeping your name is selfish?”

Cameron smiled freely, wiping her eyes before the tears could fall. “Besides,” she teased. “If I changed my name, you’d have to start calling me Chase.”

A look of disgust crept over House’s face. “I’m sure I could find a much more creative nickname,” he assured her.

She grinned, and gradually their eyes both pulled away, pushing them back into familiar silences.

“House?” she began quietly.

He looked up to acknowledge her.

“I didn’t mean it,” she began quickly. “That time I said I didn’t miss you.” She shrugged. “I know you don’t care, but I just wanted you to know.”

“Seducing me so soon after your engagement?” House teased.

Cameron rolled her eyes and stood up. “I should go,” she said at last.

“Don’t want to be even more late for your vacation in paradise,” House remarked, a hint of sarcasm detectable.

“Goodbye House...”

“Do you think he’d care, if he knew?” House asked quickly.

Cameron’s eyes probed his.

“Chase,” House began in explanation. “Do you think he’d care if he knew about your name?”

Cameron nodded. “I think he’d reevaluate his decision...again,” she replied for emphasis.

House shook his head. “Competing with a dead guy,” he muttered. “He’s an idiot.”

“Guess we’re a couple of idiots then,” Cameron said lightly.

“No,” House remarked. “You were never an idiot.”

Cameron smiled as she backed away. She paused at the doorway, her hand on the trim. “I know you don’t care but, I’m really going to miss you.”

House pretended not to understand. “You’re getting married. You’re not moving. Or dying...although some would say it’s just as bad...”

Cameron cut him off. “You know what I mean,” she said seriously, before disappearing.

She knew he understood. Taking this next step with Chase would change everything with them. She would never again be his Cameron. She was taken.

 
 
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