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01 May 2010 @ 11:58 pm
another second time around  
Minor Kristina drabble, because after that ending of the last episode, she just about broke my heart into a hundred tiny pieces. I know this is a light-hearted, uplifting show, but gah Kristina's dilemma ripped me in two and I just have to work this out somehow. Plus, it's so much more fun to write angst than fluff, though I wish it were the other way around.

First Parenthood fic, so here goes:

 

"You know, I think I forgot to run the dishwasher," she says suddenly, bright forced smile creeping across her face as she turns to Adam. She motions to the door. "I’ll be right back."

"All right," he replies good-naturedly, eyes already drawn back to the open book in his hands. Kristina slips out of the room quietly, careful to shut the door behind her.

She tiptoes down the stairs and into the kitchen, glaring at the dishwasher she knows is nesting clean dishes she hasn’t gotten around to putting away yet. Sighing slightly, she turns the machine on, if only to drown out the sound of the sobs she’s only just realized she can’t hold back in.

Kristina sinks down to the floor, back flush against the cabinets and draws her knees into her chest. She buries her head into her legs, blonde hair spilling across her arms as she struggles to hold herself together.

The truth is, she’d never dreamed of being a mom. In college she’d been an activist of sorts until someone gave her a shot at campaigning. She’d loved her job, every second of it, and she’d always wondered what would have happened if she’d stayed. She wonders where she’d be right now.

Of course she loves Haddie and Max. She’d do anything for them, and god knows, she has. This time though, she just thought it would be different. The kids were older and Adam wasn’t working long hours anymore. She thought that maybe they could make it work.

She’s not sure if she’s being incredibly selfish or not selfish enough. Either way, she knows she has to at least stop crying, because Adam’s waiting upstairs and it’s not as if she can run away from this.

This is her life.

She’s lucky, she reminds herself. Even with the ups and downs of Max’s illness and Haddie’s unpredictable mood swings, she has a good life. Her family’s more than she’d ever hoped for and Adam’s Adam and he pieces together their cracks just fine.

Except this one. This is one problem Adam can’t fix.

And she’s not going to risk ruining her family for a silly dream of being someone.

She tells herself it’s not important anyway as she pads back upstair.

"Everything okay?" Adam asks and she hears the creaking of the bed from beneath his shifting weight.

She nods though he can’t see her. "Yeah," she insists, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She keeps her back to him as she heads into their bathroom, eyes honing in on the mirror as she closes the door with her foot. "Everything’s just fine."

She stares at her reflection without recognition.

 

 
 
Current Mood: lazylazy
 
 
 
aydenheadswedance on May 2nd, 2010 04:24 am (UTC)
Oh man, love this. I love Kristina so much. I hope you write more!
Courtney: kristina - parenthood/stockhelen_halliwell on May 2nd, 2010 04:43 am (UTC)
Aw, well thanks! I was nervous about writing for Parenthood, but Kristina really got to me this week.

So glad you liked this ♥

Edited at 2010-05-02 04:45 am (UTC)
Lady Strangesynnerxx on May 2nd, 2010 04:34 pm (UTC)
Wow, you really captured her very well here. Awesome and heart-breaking. I loved it. :)
Courtney: parenthood - stock - kristina upclosehelen_halliwell on May 2nd, 2010 05:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Her character really started to grow on me in the last few episodes.

So glad you enjoyed this :)